Friday, June 10, 2005

Some Highly Effective Ways to Argue Theism

Posted in: Humor

One time I was open air preaching at Virginia Tech University when a skeptic in the crowd yelled to me, "How do you know that God exists?! You can’t know such a thing!!" I immediately replied, "I’ll show you that God exists right now!!" I then stepped down from my podium and ran directly towards the scoffer while cocking back my right arm as far back as it would go. I was quickly in the scoffer’s direct proximity, and, when I saw that I had an open shot, I punched him right in the nose as hard as I could . . .

. . . I then shouted in his face "There! That should be enough convincing evidence for you, pal!!"

The thing is, this scoffer was rather tough and he didn’t drop to the ground and repent as quickly as I thought he would. He came right back at me and threw some kind of unorthodox combination of punches towards my head. I was able to duck the first two punches thrown, but he caught me with the third shot and hit me right in the temple. I was a bit rattled by this action and I almost hit the ground as a result. Fortunately, I was able to regain my composure and I came right back at him with two stiff jabs and a solid right to the face, followed by a left hook to the body. I barely missed him with one of the jabs, but successfully connected with all of the other shots thrown and the scoffer then fell directly to the ground—he was actually knocked out cold.

Now, this should certainly be a lesson to any potential scoffers—that they shouldn’t mess with me while I am preaching. But, this can also be seen as a great lesson for those who desire to effectively argue theism as well. You see, after the dust had settled from the scuffle, two observers approached me who had seen the whole exchange take place. They said they had been contemplating theism for quite some time and were very impressed on how I handled the situation. After some brief follow-up discussion, they both converted to theism right on the spot and they are now doing graduate research on the topic as we speak.

But wait, there’s more!

There was another time where I was in a formal debate with a prominent Atheist professor at Brown University. During the second round of verbal exchange in the debate, he said something that really ticked me off, so, I walked over to him at the podium and shoved him right in the chest. He tried to come back at me with a clinched fist, but the moderator of the debate stepped in-between us and temporarily broke things up. I immediately flashed back to my wrestling days in high school and I then dropped to the ground assuming the three-point bottom position that is standard in the second round of a tournament style wrestling match. My debate opponent must have been on the exact same page, because, he subsequently hit the floor and assumed the required tournament top wrestling position, grabbing my right arm that I had placed beneath my sternum. Then, out of nowhere, the moderator of the debate blew a whistle—and it was on from there!!!

To my good fortune, right after the whistle blew I was able to perform a textbook spin-out-and-turn-around reversal on the Brown University professor with a subsequent two point take down (on his home turf, even!). After the reversal and take down, I was able to get the professor in a regulation half-nelson and then successfully "Iowa" his leg, rendering his attempts at reversal to no avail. After about 45 seconds of further grappling, I was able to pin his back to the auditorium stage for a full three seconds. The moderator blew his whistle again, and, when I stood up, he raised my arm to the ceiling indicating that an expedient, lop-sided victory had just taken place. The debate judges also saw things in my favor and voted unanimously (5-0) that I was the victor of the debate!

Immediately following my victory in the exchange, a crowd of students who were in attendance approached me and asked questions about theism for nearly and hour! Also, some time later that night, my opponent came to me in private and candidly acknowledged that he had actually been doubting his anti-supernatural positions as of late, and, because of the result of the debate, he was thinking about taking a sabbatical at Southern Evangelical Seminary sometime in the near future in order to further contemplate theism.

Well, all of that being said, I would just like to encourage fellow theists with a few words: When the opposition pulls anything even slightly out of step with you in a debate, don’t just throw up your hands and say "fowl." Feel free to get tough and employ some of the tactics that I have shared with you here today. As you can see, they are fun, exciting, and most importantly, they are highly effective in advancing the cause of theism!

Be strong!!!


Blogger davis said...

This post reminds me of a method I created several years ago. I call it the 'brute force' attack against radical skepticism. Let me explain...

Several years ago my philosophy professor was trying to defend a 'brain-in-the-vat' style argument against moderate realism. I challenged him on that, specifically by asking him if the existence of the chair i sat in was self-evident. The teacher denied it of course, and instead told me that I could be dreaming and the chair could be an illusion. Instead of countering that with a sophisticated rebuttal, I decided to let him fully realize the existence of the chair- by throwing it at him. Needless to say, after he woke up, he no longer questioned the reliability of his sense experiences.

6:07 PM  
Blogger Douglas Beaumont said...

C'mon guys be serious. You know that besides slavery, oppression, facism, communism, and the holocaust, violence has never solved anything!

7:18 PM  
Anonymous Patrick T. said...

This gives a whole new meaning to St Francis's famous saying that we should "preach the Gospel always; when necessary, use words."

11:19 AM  
Blogger davis said...

the revised St. Francis prayer- Lord, make me a vessel of thy force. That where there is hatred I may bring guns, that where there is dischord I may bring the force of law. Lord, help me to punch, rather than be punched, to kick, rather than be kicked, to be the person behind the 357, instead of in front. For it is by.....I've gone far enough and crossed too many lines as it is ;)

7:21 PM  
Blogger Ariel said...

"You'll believe in a God soon enough, buddy."

--Avicenna's method, as applied to natural theology.

I just love when the medieval ambience really takes hold on this blog.

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least I can see that you and Bin Laden believe in the same God. Though may you should upgrade from punching people to using weapons. Who would Jesus bomb?

10:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The old medieval trial by combat is alive and well!

8:11 PM  
Anonymous L-Boggie said...

I am very disappointed in you "scholars." I came to this site thinking I would get some real help in lerning how to defend my faith and all I get is high school wrestling techniques and chair throwing strategies. I've never been in a philosophical debate that didn't involve some form of martial art. If I tried the high school wrestling stuff I would immediately be killed. Has anyone studied any kung-fu that might help me in my conversations with black, Nation of Islam, communist, free thinkers? These guys resort to guns, knives, and racist retortic

7:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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12:41 PM  

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