Saturday, August 06, 2005

Highly Effective Ways to Argue Theism: Dada Apologetics

Posted in: Humor

In the spirit of postmodernism, one needs to adapt to the changing needs of the modern day unbeliever. Let’s face it, classical apologetics is dead (it’s all rational and stuff). Frankly, nobody has the time to think critically on these issues. Thankfully, there’s a way to share ones faith with the staunchest critic and leave them speechless every time. Born out of the Dada movement in poetry and art comes Dada apologetics!

Let’s say your dialoging with Al Atheist. Al Atheist says, “I simply cannot believe that a God exists that would allow such gratuitous evil in the world.” How would you respond? Knowing that an actually thoughtful answer is useless, you turn to the Dada apologetic method. Now, ideally you would want to choose a book at random, but in the spirit of apologetics let’s simply stick with one book about apologetics. For this example I’m using Geisler’s Baker Encyclopedia of Christian Apologetics (it’s the largest book on the topic). I will randomly flip the pages and stop whenever the mood strikes me. Then I’ll blindly finger out a word on the open page in front of me. Repeat this process until the sentence is complete. But how many words should I keep my sentence to? Sentences can vary quite a bit in length, so I’ll randomly say twenty words (not including definite and indefinite articles like a, an, as, of, and the). Let’s return to the conversation, shall we?

Al Atheist: “I simply cannot believe that a God exists that would allow such gratuitous evil in the world.”

Cory Christian: “Kinds skepticism a confirmation of ministry spanned predictions identified as the cosmos cited contradiction passages a sense of self-stultifying the formally example basis of James speak as perfection though.”

Al Atheist: “Wow! That’s amazing. It’s like...it’s like you knew exactly what I needed to hear. I’m dropping my atheism right now!”

See how easy it is? We didn’t need to bother with actually answering Al Atheist’s...er...Al Allelujah’s statement with facts or reason. This method bypasses the mind and goes directly to the heart. Granted, it can be a bit cumbersome and time consuming to pull out a book and finger words when talking face to face. That’s why I suggest one carry around about 100 5x7 cards with pre-made Dada apologetic sentences written on them. Imagine how you’ll woo the crowds with your mind-boggling command apologetic material. This method is so easy and effective it won’t be long before other religious groups are amping-up their apologetic arsenal. We better jump on this now, because evangelicals can’t handle an onslaught of Dada trained Jehovah’s Witnesses.

If you don’t achieve the same amazing results as with Al Atheist above, then you obviously are not using the method correctly. If this is the case, then review the article on Ad Baculum apologetics and you should receive better results.

5 Comments:

Blogger Steve Petermann said...

Hey Lanny,

This approach is also called the Chewbacca defense. Here's a fun example from southpark here

5:07 AM  
Blogger M. Hipsley said...

Now we have a truly emerging apologetic!

8:45 AM  
Blogger davis said...

You've spoken to my heart.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Sal Monella said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:18 AM  
Blogger Lanny Wilson said...

I thought the chewbacca defense would be something like "GGRRRRLL...WWHA...GRGRGR." Roughly translated, "do what I tell ya and you'll get to keep your arms." Apparently, wookies don't like to lose according to wookie expert Han Solo. Nonetheless, great article...though it didn't make sense.

Thanks,
Lanny

11:07 AM  

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