Friday, September 16, 2005

One Liners and Mixed Metaphors

Posted in: Humor

These one liners and mixed metaphors are courtesy of Dr. Richard G. Howe. His website is at

One Liners

I didn't know that ignorance was not an excuse.

Maybe I shouldn't second guess myself after all.

I have given up the observance of Lent.

Can you think of a question with the word 'cantaloupe' in it for no apparent reason?

If you give in to one slippery slope fallacy, pretty soon you'll be giving into them all.

I'm the only one here who is not unique.

Life is either an excluded middle or it isn't.

The word 'practically' had practically come to mean virtually the same thing as the word 'virtually.'

Ask me about my vow of silence. (with thanks to Doug Beaumont!)

If you like your job, are you a gruntled employee?

Everybody overgeneralizes.

Sometimes it's intermittent and sometimes it's not. (with thanks to Sonny Fleming!)

What if there were no hypotheticals?

In this business, you either sink or swim or you don't.

Surveys show that nine out of ten people say that if you get ten people together one person is always going to disagree with the other nine. (Colin Mochrie)

A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough and, after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Just because you're a hypochondriac doesn't mean you're not seriously ill.

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity that only comes every so often. (Randy Moss)

Mixed Metaphors

We'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

We need to lower the playing field.

I wouldn't do that for a ten foot pole.

I wouldn't touch that with a million dollars.

He's a little green behind the ears.

We've just begun to scratch the iceberg.

I don't mean to be chasing a dead horse.

If you do that you'll open a whole ball of wax.

Everyone here is on the seat of his pants! [CNN reporter during the Florida presidental election fiasco]

That just tickled the pink out of me [with thanks to Joan Solheim].

I don't mean to throw a monkey into the wrench. [radio talk show host]

I don't mean to step on anyone's sacred cow … [radio preacher]

He was running around like a chicken with its legs cut off.

You don't have to be a rocket surgeon to figure that out.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the huge laugh!
May I leave you with a few of my personal favourites?
1. That's like gravy in the bank!
2. We thought it would be a cakewalk in the park.
3. We have to drive a stake in the sand!

7:44 PM  
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