Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Dan Brown and the Illuminati

I was on the porcelain throne the other day and in a moment of bladder emptying bliss I had a moment of frightening clarity. I think I can prove without a doubt that DaVinci Code author Dan Brown is a member (if not the leader) of the Illuminati and is pushing the world to the brink of a worldwide crisis.

My first thought was that in Brown’s ridiculous theory concerning the Holy Grail that about the only group he does not reference in connection with the greatest cover-up in world history is the Illuminati. It’s not bad enough that DaVinci Code mangles historical fact beyond recognition, or that Brown implicates everyone from the apostle Thomas to the curator of the Louvre in this conspiracy, but then he misses a prime opportunity to involve the Illuminati! It all seemed so foolish until I flushed . . . then the oblivious became obvious.

For those of you who have lived in a cave for the last few centuries, or who have never listened to Art Bell, the Illuminati are well known as the instigators of . . . well . . . everything that has ever happened, I think. Of course no one knows who they are or how they manage to pull it all off, but if there is a conspiracy you can pretty well bet the Illuminati had a heavy hand in it coming to pass. So how could such a magnificent researcher as Dan Brown fail to include them in his Grail plot???

I’m glad you asked.

The answer, of course, is that Dan Brown IS an Illuminati (“Illuminatus”?)! Just as the actor playing “Chef” on South Park was happy to disrespect every major religion and race until the show had some fun with Christian Scientists, Dan Brown isn’t going to tip his hand and put the spotlight on the Illuminati - the true force behind all of world history and beyond. Duhhh!

But then I thought to myself: “Self, isn’t this a bit too easy?” I mean, c’mon – this would be like Michael Jackson crusading against all crimes against children except sleeping with them. No – there must be something else going on here. Then I considered the format of the book. Virtually everything in the book is not what it seems – pictures are messages, numbers are maps, men are women, truths are lies, authorial integrity is grandstanding crap, names are . . . anagrams. Anagrams. Was this the hidden key that unlocked the door containing the vault wherein lay the footlocker holding the briefcase securing the envelope sealed around the paper that revealed the mystery?

So as I zipped up I mentally listed all possible anagrams of Dan Brown. While I stared vaguely into the swirling bowel it hit me: Dan Brown . . . Bran . . . Down . . . DOWN BRAN. Good Lord, could it be that simple?


Or could it?


"Bran Down." Bran is down. A simple Google search confirmed what virtually all scientists and serious scholars already know – the world is facing a bran crisis of epic proportions. Just look at the cost of cereal over the years. Has it gone up or down? Up of course! Why? Supply and demand of course. Less supply equals more demand which equals higher prices - of course. I am now 100% convinced that the Illuminati are somehow affecting the world Bran production in their overall plot to rule the world (even more than they already do).

Oh sure – gas prices tripling in the last year SEEM to be the big issue. Think again. These are merely smokescreens to cover up the more insidious rise of Bran prices. Think I’m wrong? Try this simple experiment: how much did you pay for your last gallon of gas? You can probably guess to the nearest nickel, but can you tell me how much your last box of Raisin Bran or muffin mix cost? I doubt it.

So while we are rallying to have congress do something about gas prices, and promoting gas boycott days, we blissfully and ignorantly and stupidly continue to pay whatever price is asked for Bran or Bran related products.

And the Illuminati are laughing all the way to the banks. Which they own.


Blogger Matthew Graham said...


The fact that no one has caught this increases the likelyhood that it is true!! Really good conspiracies are keep secret! This was a really good conspiracy, so it follows that it would be kept secret for so long!

It is also simply marvelous that Dan Brown plotted against Bran. I mean who would have thought?! Looking at your logic and the obviousness of your conclusion almost brings me to tears. If it weren't for you, perhaps we would all remain in ignorance of Dan Browns true motives and identity. Thanks Doug for uncovering the truth about Dan Brown!

2:36 PM  
Blogger Vynette said...

The Qur'an and Da Code

This truth is stranger than any fictions

Dan Brown, quite unwittingly I'm sure, has done us a great service - he has made known to the general population the existence of certain 'stories' about Jesus.

The Qur'an's portrayal of the 'Virgin Mary' and Brown's Da Vinci Code share a common genesis and will eventually meet up at the same destination.

How can this be? Well...a couple of millenia or so, ago, a thirst to know more about Jesus than the gospels revealed gave rise to the concoction of various 'fables'.

These 'fables' were tailored specifically to resonate with certain audiences and to meet perceived needs and prevailing 'expectations'.
Naturally therefore, they were riddled with historical and other errors.

The Da Vinci Code and part of the Qur'an's 'Virgin Mary' story borrowed material from this 'fabled' library and, living up to time-honoured tradition,
tailored their own 'fables' to resonate with certain audiences and to meet perceived needs and prevailing 'expectations'.
Naturally therefore, they also are riddled with historical and other errors.

Being only a 'lending' library, however, these 'fables' based on 'fables' will eventually be called in by their rightful owner - the great 'fable' library of history.

5:22 PM  
Blogger eddwills said...

Nice post! Quite entertaining. Although you write that the Illuminati were not mentioned, yet I thought that the Templat Knights were the Illuminati? I read before that the Illuminati have had many different names over the course of history, and that the Templar Knights was one of them. Also, the da Vinci code also mentions the 'Roseline', one of the 13 elite bloodlines of the Illuminati.

7:16 AM  
Blogger Douglas Beaumont said...

Eddwills, you're treading in dangerous waters . . . if the Illuminati figure out that you have them linked to the Templars (or even the templats!) you might be found buried under the roseline yourself! ;)

2:44 PM  
Anonymous someone from Flanders, Belgium said...

No-noo noo. You mixed up. Dan Brown treats the Illuminati in 'Angels and demons', the first adventure of this rather odd Robert Langdon character, to which The Da Vinci Code is sort of a sequel. All his previous books were not published until the success of 'The Da Vinci Code' came.

(Please note that I'm not proud at all of having read his novels.)
The only common factor the Illuminati have with the Templar Knights is that they are secret(ive) societies. His debut was
about the NSA, also a very secretive organisation.
By the way: they are all badly written -- corny or cheap you might call it. The Da Vinci Code the least. But they all have cardboard characters.
Well, at least he succeeded in creating a strong hype, nearing the success and surpassing the media stirring of The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. An OWN BRAND, you might call it, with, just like J.R.R. Tolkien's LOTR and J.K. Rowling's HP, movies. His next book might very well be made into a movie as well.
All of them upto now have a cheesy romance in them.

4:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

they have started making the film for angels and demons already

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First, you are doing a great job. I enjoyed your flow of thoughts regarding Dan Brown. I came across your blog for a reason. Please read my post with an open heart. I am writing you a long post in the hopes that most of you and the readers will be touched and motivated by what I have posted. Please don't put up the wall of disbelief. I agree with you when you made the connections of Dan Brown being Illuminati and the grain shortage.

I happened to of read a saved an article from yahoo entitled, "Freemasons awaiting Dan Brown's new book, The Lost Symbol". I haven't read the books but watched both "The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons.

Something about Dan Brown has been bothering me from the start. And now I know why. His rise to fame is too convenient. He is part of the Illuminati. His books, his biography all point to my conclusion. Check out the theme of each book and out of all the secret soceities, the main one is left out: Illuminati.

This is deeper than families wanting power and money. Uniting the world before the rise of the anti-Christ. Those secret societies serve a master: Satan.

A lot of this is disheartening, but Christ is the one who will save you from eternal damnation. He was sent to this world to save us because Satan is out to lie (media propaganda, kill (wars, murder, violence, broken spirits), steal (countries from innocent9 and destroy (man made famine, man made diseases, mind altering drugs, sexual perversions, broken bonds with Christ).

Our soul is more precious than rubies. More valuable than money, fame, status.

I say this to you because out of love, someone shared the truth with me. Not for profit or selfish gain, but because we're all made out of love from God.

Dig deeper because Satan is real beast and he comes in many forms (monuments, symbols, different art in culture) and his goal is to use every trick and deception to destroy man because He wants to separate us from God. Satan uses different religions to pervert Christ.

The New World Order is the mark of the beast. The New World Order is the RFID that we will

Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.Trust in the Lord and seek Him out. He will reveal the truth you seek. He did it for me.

Satan/Lucifer is a fallen angel and the demons who went with him are the demons.

Have you noticed that Dan Brown's book became a best seller 6 years ago? Then DaVinci Code was released in 2006 when the tide started to turn for Bush 41, who announced the RFID (Immigration ID-digital chip) on June 6, 2006.

The mark of the beast will be in the forehead of the right hand. Satan will use the technology we have against us.

Freemasons have a ritual that the right hand is a sign of faithfulness, fidelity. The truth points to Satan.

Remember there are no coincidences. This is a pattern, and evil pattern created by Satan.

Christ is the one true son of the Living God. Christ will save you open your hearts and repent. Believe that He died on the cross out of love for you and to save you. Save us all if we turn our lives over to Him.

1:49 PM  
Anonymous Bint Irfan said...

Asalamu alaikum!
I am a muslim, and this is hello in my language(arabic). I came across this blog by chance, and it really caught my attention. I had thought from the beginning that Dan Brown was part of the illuminati (or freemasons) if both of these are connected in some way. These books of his have hidden bac-tracking in it, I can feel it when I read it. Thanks for providing this knowledge of bran down thing, it was really cool how you figured it out.

However, I'd like to tell 'anonymous' that all that he wrote was fine and right enough except when he said that God has a son. I would like to ask you people, why do you say that Jesus is the son of God? It really doesn't make sense if you think about it in an open-minded way. When I asked people about this, they said that Jesus was the son of God because He had no father...but then neither did Adam did he? Or even Eve, she didn't have a mother, or did she? Please, I cannot write much here, but I'd like to ask you all to read the Quran in english and understand it. It will help you and give you all the answers of any unanswered questions you may have in your mind about releigion.


1:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bint Irfan,
Thanks for the question, I'm trilled with all the revelation of Dan Brown and I could sense that right from the start.

Anyway, The question about Jesus being the son of God is because it is written in the bible. The Bible is the book that reflects God. It details the past,Present and the future of live and its relation to the creator which is God. Jesus is referenced from Start of the Bible (Genesis) to the End of the Bible (Revelation).
The word son is not defined as in human terms of being given birth by human. Its a term that is only applicably for the human population to understand who Jesus was. To understand God is imppossible.

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist and That is what Dan Brown is trying to do in his novels, he is covering for Illuminati, Obama is the head of the beast and he is kneeling for the Babylon whore, she is going to ride the beast, keep eye on Obama and Osama because if nobody stop them then universal disaster in coming soon when the Babylon whore rides the beast then hellfire will consume 2/3 of the world.

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, first off the actor who played chef didn't mind making fun of anyone but Scientologist, not Christian scientist, and by any chance have you read him most recent book. But ok maybe i can say you are illuminati

5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

da vinci code is a sequel for angels n demons of which th later is ol bout illuminati. Mayb u shud check wat u drnk next tm b4 u pee..

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree that Dan Brown is an Illuminati, reason being that:

He paints Jesus as a human prophet yet talks about the sacred feminine. The two don't jive, do they ?

He talks about the "Eyes Wide Shut" kind of ritual as religious. When we clearly know it to be demonic.

He paints Illuminati as scientists who are persecuted by the church. What an attempt to improve the Illuminati image.

In his last book, he talks endlessly about the ancient secrets. What are these ancient secrets ? These are books of magic and sorcery that Solomon confiscated from people who were practicing them, which the Templars later raided from Jerusalem.

I can go on for the next year.....

4:12 AM  
Blogger Druv said...

I agree, Dan brown is clearly siding with the Vatican and making it look like the victim but clearly it is the Vatican. playing sly games to throw people off.

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you want the truth about the Illuminati, and confirm most of your beliefs here, then you must see for yourselves what they do every July in the redwoods of CA, and have done for the past hundred years or so. Just google "Bohemian Grove" in CA. Alex has been the only person to gain access to this "hush hush" property and event that is guarded by CIA agents and where the New World Order leaders congregate as Illuminati. What better disguise than the DaVinci Code.... but for those who can discern the times know better, don't we....

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for the insite. I personally think that mr dan brown is without doubt illuminatus. You can disagree if you like but how is it possible that he knows the inner secrets, even their rituals and initiations???. If he was actually exposinf them, they would have probably silencened him.

3:43 AM  
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12:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't you wash your hands?

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Blogger Nina Simone said...

Daniel Brown is an American author of thriller fiction who is best known for the 2003 bestselling novel The DaVinci Code. I enjoyed reading and discussing this article, but now I have to go. I have to
write my essay paper . Oh, it is about the "DaVinci Code".

7:34 AM  
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